


Five Times... it didn't work

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [35]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Five Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 06:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8276260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: And one time it did.





	

In the first, two boys sat in the shadow of a father. _Follow me_ , they said. Up they rose; one walked into gunmetal, order, and rule; and the other into the skin of teeth, and oil, and wishful thinking. Each with a blaster, and war took both of them in her teeth before their parents. They didn’t even know the other’s name, or realise who shot first. Broken bodies left unfeeling, and the galaxy ignored all mourners.

In the second, a Dark Master called them to him, warping them to his weft. A vaulted ceiling, the distance between them vast, even close. A triangle with the apex so far beyond and a base that never could be stable. 

In another, it was simply a matter of timing. One looked away, then back to miss the eyes that had already surrendered. Words that wanted to speak, hands that wanted to know. A silent hurt, and a _what if_ over a pellet spun into space, carrying what once could have been the other’s heart. Too late. Too late. Forget him.

Lust. Rage. Power. Control. Fear. Hands on hips and no words as they found the momentary understanding, the one that shattered moments later. Harsh words and blood-mixed tears. They hurt each other in their pain, beautifully and forcefully. It was all they wanted. ~~It was all they deserved.~~

The next time, it started well. Anger and pride and an attempt to impress. Touches that soothed and burned in equal measure. An awakening… but too far. _Come with me_. _I can’t. Don’t leave. I have to._ Love, once felt, breaking their minds away from the other. The impossibility of remaining, the impossibility of leaving. A conflict drawn right between them, and a knowledge that happiness wasn’t meant for them. _You came back. I had to. You’re here to kill me? No. Then what? If you go, I go._ A ship in tatters. They still disagree. Their hands lock as the vessel dives into the sun, because they are war and never the other thing. The fight is over, and so are they.

A broken boy inside a broken man. Secret hurts and hidden thoughts. Anger, rage, fear. 

A connection. Somehow. A refrain played on one ribcage, the descant echoing in the other. A song that fits together, a wave strengthened and made sure.

They should hurt. They should suffer. They should bleed, and they should die.

Fingers touching in the dark. Silent confessions, with the knowledge both offered and received without ever gracing the air. 

_I know you. You’re hurting. I’m hurting._

_It’s not wrong. It’s not a weakness. If it is, then I want to be weak._

_I want you. I want you **happy**. I want your pain to stop._

Fingers, in the dark. Oaths written in the oldest tongue of all, and a vow: _I might not deserve to be happy, but I know you do_. 

It is terrifying to be known. It is terrifying.

It is essential.

And they are happy, even if only for a little while.


End file.
